Hello 2019!

Hey loves! Happy New Year!

I don’t know about you but I am definitely ready to take on the new year! I’ve never really been one to make serious New Year’s resolutions, but I think it’s important to set goals for yourself for the year.

While I accomplished some great things in 2018, behind all the bright lights, runway shows, and pageant wins, there were a lot of bad, underlying things going on mentally and physically. So, my main goal for 2019 is to take care of myself. My mental and physical health is going to be taking top priority this year.

Blogging is also going to be a main priority this year for me! No more slacking or questioning myself. Which is why, I’m very excited that I will be posting weekly content for you guys!

Varying from makeup tutorials, fashion posts, life updates and more! I’m really excited for the content I can create throughout this year!

I’m also going to be starting my YouTube channel! I’ve gone back and forth on this channel for well over a year now, always starting and then going back on the idea and talking myself out of it, but this year I am ready to put all those negative thoughts aside and push myself to start the channel I have always wanted, so be on the lookout for that!

Most importantly, I want this to be my happiest year yet. I’ve definitely struggled a lot with enjoying the little things in life, and get myself stuck in these little ruts where I’m just feeling miserable.

I’m going to do whatever it takes to truly enjoy this year and make the most of it. I’m so excited to see what I can accomplish throughout 2019.

What are your goals for 2019?

Xx, Juliana

Goodbye 2018!

Can you guys believe 2018 is already over?? I feel like this year has flown by faster than any other year.

It’s definitely been a crazy year to say the least. I’ve experienced some awful things this past year like my car accident, but I’ve also accomplished some amazing things throughout 2018.

So, I thought with the year ending in just a few hours, I would reminisce on my favorite moments of 2018.

1. I won the title of America’s U.S. Miss 2018!

July 2018, in Clearwater Florida (also my new favorite place) I accomplished the goal I set for myself back in 2010. Since I stepped on that AUS stage back when I was 12 I knew I wanted the chance to represent the America’s U.S. Miss system, and now 8 years later I am living that dream as the reigning America’s U.S. Miss 2018!

ˇ

2. I modeled in New York Fashion Week!

Walking in New York Fashion Week has been a dream of mine since I started modeling. Getting to finally accomplish that dream and walk for Jessie Couture in the show produced by Supermodels Unlimited Magazine was such an honor and I couldn’t have felt more proud walking down that runway.

3. I reached 4 years of being clean

Now this is definitely the most “glamorous” of my accomplishments this year, but at the same time It was probably the most rewarding. For those of you who don’t know, I have struggled with an eating disorder and self harm addiction from a young age. It took control over my life, and consumed every part of my mind.

I spent every minute, of every day for years hating myself and harming myself. It took a lot of work and a lot of support the few people I had around me that knew, and understood my situation for me to begin my road to recovery.

It’s been anything but easy, and I still have my days where I feel like giving up but this year on November 3, having reached my 4th year mark of being clean from self harming was such a weird yet incredible feeling. It didn’t feel real, because back at my lowest point I never saw myself getting here. I sort of accepted that I was always going to live with this addiction, and never getting the help I needed.

As weird as it felt to hit this milestone my younger self never saw me doing, it was so rewarding. Each year takes a whole lot of work to continue hitting these milestones, but the hard work is so worth it at the end of the day.

2018 has been one crazy year.

I’m proud of myself for everything I was able to accomplish for myself this year.

I managed to survive all the awful things that were thrown at me.

Most importantly, I’m ready to face whatever the new year has in store for me.

I know we all say it every year, but I am determined to make 2019 my best year yet.

Happy New Year loves!

What are you going to accomplish in this new year?

Xx, Juliana

Life Update | Car Accident

Hey guys!

I know it’s been a while since I posted but don’t worry I have some exciting stuff planned for you guys so stay tuned!

This past month has been painfully busy – emphasis on the painful. As some of you may know I’ve been competing in pageants for years and currently hold the Miss California U.S. Miss title. (I’m flying as I type this to Clearwater Florida for the national pageant!)

If the craziness of juggling work and preparing for a national pageant wasn’t enough, my mom and I were in a pretty bad car accident just three weeks ago and that put everything on hold. Between our physical injuries, and the mental toll it has taken on the both of us, I had no idea how to get on with life, let alone prepare for a pageant.

I’ve always been anxious on the road and worried about these kinds of situations and I have always thought about how I’d react in the situation, but nothing could have prepared me for the harsh reality of a car accident.

If I close my eyes I can still feel my heart sinking as our car was sent spinning. I remember feeling the wind knocked out of me and feeling like I couldn’t breathe.  I can smell the smoke filling the car, and more than anything I can vividly see all of the glass and blood all over the inside of our car.

It was a real life nightmare.

Even three weeks after the accident I’m still in some physical pain but the mental side of it, is so much worse than I could even describe. Between the constant flashbacks, the grueling nightmares, the anxiety of getting back in a car, and so much more, these have by far been the most difficult three weeks I have ever experienced.

I’m not going to go into too much detail of the accident, mainly because I’m still processing everything and struggling to deal with the whole situation myself, but I just wanted to give you all an update on where I have been.

I know this post is short and not too fun but please bear with me! I have some posts planned that are a lot more exciting and happier than this one so be on the look out for those! 

And to everyone that heard about the accident earlier, whether you know me personally or found out through my social media and reached out, thank you so so much! 

Your love and prayers mean the entire world to me!

Xoxo, Juliana 

20 Lessons I Learned In 20 Years

Guess who’s 20 today?! I’m finally an official adult. How crazy is that?

You know what else is crazy though? The responsibilities that come with being an adult.

Let me tell you, this whole “adulting” thing seemed so much more fun when I was little. Little me didn’t take into account the bills that needed to be paid I guess, but as stressful as it may be at times I am so ready to officially kiss my teen years goodbye and start this new chapter of my life.

With that being said, here are 20 lessons I learned in 20 years.

1) You are what you DO

It’s easy to talk the talk, but talk doesn’t always matter. Actions speak louder than any words you could possibly speak. If you have something you want to do, then DO IT. Don’t waste time planning it or waiting for the “perfect moment”; that perfect moment is now.

2) Losing weight isn’t everything

Stop putting all your focus on losing a certain amount of weight. Rather than putting all your focus on weight loss, focus on being healthy. Eat healthy and exercise regularly because it’s good for you and your body, not because you’re trying to punish your body.

3) Stop comparing yourself to others

It’s easy to fall into the comparison game-especially with social media-but it’s also dangerous to your mental health. As great of an outlet social media is, it’s played a big part in damaging self esteem in many people. Scrolling through countless posts of all the exciting things people post make it easy to feel the envy and start comparing your life to theirs. However, it’s important to realize that what you see on social media isn’t always real. We all post the best parts of our lives on social media and conveniently leave out our struggles. Stop comparing yourself and your daily life to someone else’s highlight reel.

4) Don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad about yourself

This past year especially I was faced with a few situations where I let people and their rude comments get me really down. It made me question everything I did, but now as I look back I’m finally able to realize that there was no point in that! The people that hurt you aren’t the ones suffering as you continue to punish yourself for whatever mean things they said about you. As much as it hurts, let it go and move on.

5) Own Your Self-Worth

You have to learn to love yourself, and realize that you are worth so much more than you may realize. Once you learn that you are good enough, and that you matter, no one else can steal that from you.

6) Life is all about progress, not perfection

We all have things we want to change in our lives, in a perfect world we can make those changes happen overnight but life doesn’t work like that. Chances are whatever you’re trying to change didn’t occur overnight, neither will the solution to it. Make small goals and continue to grow and make progress.

7) Don’t take yourself too seriously

For years now, I have struggled with the need to be perfect, and to get people to like me. I thought about it so much that I would take every little thing I said or did so seriously that it stopped me from enjoying my life. Stop overanalyzing everything you do and taking your life too seriously. No one else does, so why should you?

8) Agree to Disagree

We all like to be right, but sometimes it’s just not worth the argument. You have your opinions and others have theirs. It’s okay to disagree sometimes.

9) Life is too short to waste time hating anyone

This past year especially has been hard with this one. There were a few people in particular that made my life horrible and made me question everything, and I hated them for it. In the end though, all it did was hurt me more. I wasted almost a year on hating these people. Don’t make that mistake, if someone hurts you forget about them and find people that value you.

10) When life pushes you over, you push back harder

Life gets you down sometimes, but you have to be strong and fight through it. If you really want something, fight for it no matter who or what stands in your way.

11) If it feels wrong, don’t do it.

Growing up, you’re always trying to fit in with others, in desperate times you may even forget your own instincts and go along with whatever someone wants you to do for the sake of being friends with them. Trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. It’s better to lose a friend than put yourself in a dangerous situation.

12) Investing in your skills is always beneficial to your future success

Lets be real, nothing in this life is free, thats for sure. If we have to pay for things though, shouldn’t we invest in something that can help us in the future? No matter what skills or talents you have, we all need a little training. Invest in your skills and do whatever it takes to perfect those skills to help guarantee your success.

13) If they do it often, it isn’t a mistake it’s their behavior

We all make mistakes, that’s life. However, if someone continuously lies, or makes the same mistakes and hurts you, it’s not a mistake no matter how sorry they claim to be. It’s who they are as a person, and they will more than likely do it again.

14) When in doubt, just take small steps

If you’re feeling unsure of whether or not you can achieve the goals you’ve set for yourself, don’t just give up and put your dream aside, make small goals, and continue to work towards achieving your goals one small step at a time.

15) Losing someone is tough, but you’re tougher

The loss of my great grandma is something I carry with me every single day. Sometimes I even forget she’s gone and find myself wondering when she’ll come visit next before I get that sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach as I remember she’s no longer with us. It still hurts me, every single day. The pain of losing a loved one doesn’t fade away, you just get stronger.

16) Follow your heart, but use your brain

Dating can be complicated to say the least. It’s easy to get caught in the excitement of meeting someone new, and falling in love with the idea of love. When someone new comes along that you think can make you happy by all means go for it like you’ve never gone for anything before, but don’t forget to take your head along with you. It’s important not to compromise yourself and your morals to make a guy happy. If he really cares about you, he’ll respect you and your decisions, even if they differ from his own.

17) Your thoughts are powerful, make them positive

It’s so easy to let your thoughts get the best of you. The more negative you think, the more negative you are going to feel. Keep your thoughts positive and always look on the bright side of things.

18) Its okay to adjust plans

Most things don’t turn out exactly the way we planned. Even if we end up getting the results we wanted in the end, chances are something along the way didn’t go exactly as you thought it would. Having to change plans up isn’t as bad as you may think it is in the heat of the moment. At the end of the day life has a funny way of working itself out and giving us what we ask for, it just may not be in the exact form we originally ask for.

19) Make peace with your past, before it gets in the way of your future

You can’t move forward if you keep living in the past. Whatever good or bad might have happened before needs to stay in the past, so you can start building your future.

20) Dreams require sacrifice 

Nothing in life is going to be handed to. Creative people are some of the best people in my opinion, but creative careers are not always typical or “safe”. If you have big dreams, you’re going to have to make big sacrifices to make those dreams your reality. You’re going to have to work day and night, you’re going to have to work when working is the last thing you want to do, and you will consistently have to make short-term sacrifices to get where you want to be. The people who go the extra mile are the ones on track to fulfill their dreams and be successful.

There you have it, my 20 lessons I’ve learned in 20 years. The two decades I’ve been alive have taught me a whole lot of good, and a whole lot of bad, but even through the bad it’s what’s made me who I am today.

Even through everything I have experienced, and everything I have learned, I still have so much room to grow and so many places I want to be.

I can’t wait to see what this next year has in store for me!

Meet My Best Friend-My Mom

May 7.

The day the world was blessed with the most amazing woman.

This woman is kind. She is protective, selfless, funny, honest, beautiful, talented, loving, real, hard working, and so much more. Anyone would be lucky to spend even 5 minutes in this woman’s presence. I consider myself extra lucky though, because I’ve gotten to spend my entire life looking up to this incredible woman and getting to call her mom.

As I continue to get older, and look back on my life, the one thing that is consistent within every memory is this; no matter how hard things got for me,-and trust me, I’ve dealt with a lot more than most people even know-I could always count on one person to get me through.

That person is my best friend in the entire world; my mom. 

Over the last 19, almost 20 years, I have had the privilege of knowing, that no matter what stupid situation I got myself into, she would be right there to save me.

I’ve watched her a lot over the course of my life, even when she didn’t realize I was watching. Through all those years of watching her, and looking up to her I’ve come to realize something.

No matter how down she got on herself, when she was beyond stressed. When she got self-conscious, when she put her health aside to make sure her family was taken care of, when she gave up her entire life to raise her children.

I’ve watched her put on a brave face for my brothers and I before silently breaking down when she was alone, only to put that brave face right back on and be strong as ever for everyone else.

I’ve seen the pure joy on her face as she sings and dances, the music flowing through every part of her from her voice to her body, so naturally and effortlessly.

I’ve watched her do it all. I’ve seen her get so hard on herself, but what she never realized was that even though in her eyes she had done so much wrong, in my eyes she is the most amazing woman on the planet.

In my eyes, my mom is a superhero. A beautiful, selfless, woman who would do anything for her family. She is strong and wise.

I honestly have never met someone as strong as my mom.  I look at how she handles every obstacle thrown her way and I truly admire her strength and courage.

Her independence is something I strive to achieve in my life. The love in her heart is something I hope to one day have in mine. The pure happiness in her eyes as she sings her favorite songs on our long car rides and we both dance like dorks to broadway playlists. (Seriously, you should see us jamming to Hairspray, Mamma Mia, and Grease, we have all those routines down!)

There is nothing in this world that I am more grateful for than the special bond my mom and I share together.

It’s such a special bond, that only grows stronger as we grow older. Through all the laughter and the tears we’ve shared. From the worry, to the smiles, there is this unbreakable trust between us.

We have a life long friendship built on love and hardships that nothing can or will, ever get in the way of.

I am the luckiest girl in the world, to have this woman as my mom.

Mom, I feel like no matter how many times I tell you I love you, it wouldn’t be enough to fully describe the love and admiration I have for you.

I could spend all the money in the world on gifts for you, and it wouldn’t be enough to repay you for everything you have done for me.

You are my hero, my best friend in the entire world, and the best mom I could have ever asked for.

Happy Birthday Mama.

I love you more than anything.

xoxo, Juliana

Alone at 19

I remember being a little kid.

Surrounded by my group of friends, playing together at recess, hanging out at each others houses after school, going to dance classes, and performing at our schools annual variety show. I look back at those elementary school years and it all seems so picturesque.

I was a confident little girl that pushed her older brother away as he tried to walk me into the auditorium on my first day of Kindergarten (Sorry Michael, I had to establish my cool kid rep you know?). Bottom line, I was confident, carefree, and happy. I couldn’t wait to be older, I thought I had it all figured out.

I was going to work at my dance studio, teach the younger dancers throughout my senior year, I even had the song picked out for my last solo before I left for college. I was going to be on my high schools pom team, be a part of the school’s Rock n’ Roll Revival show, have loads of friends, go on dates, go to parties, you know, that typical high school experience we all dreamed of when we were little.

If you were lucky, that’s the life you got to experience, for me it wasn’t that simple.

We moved around a lot when I was growing up. From Maryland, to North Carolina, to Georgia, before landing here in California. All my old friends thought it was so cool that I had moved to California and at first I thought it was going to be cool too.

Until school started.

My brother seemed to make friends no problem, but I guess that’s what happens when you play football. What about me though? I was the little 6th grader that knew no one and had no activities. It was harder for me but I managed to make a few friends. They didn’t really last but I guess that’s on both parts.

One thing that never changed though was the way I thought about the future. Every time things got harder or I lost more “friends” I would just say “Gosh, I can’t wait until I’m older. Things will get better and I’ll have my friends”. However, the older I got…the more alone I got.

Being just two weeks away from turning 20, I’m still struggling with how lonely I was for years. I still struggle with being alone and the fear that I always will be alone; I struggle with these fears so much that I let it get in the way of new friendships and relationships.

It’s like I’ve built my walls up so high that I can’t even break them down. No matter how much I want to rip those walls apart and be myself again, It’s hard. The last few times I let my walls down for someone, they hurt me so badly that I was forced to shield myself completely from everyone else. It’s not fair to the new people that come into my life, but it’s something I subconsciously do.

Even with the new friendships I’ve started making through work or what not, the hurt I felt in the past makes it hard to let my walls come down all the way. My head and my fears get in the way of me letting go, and finally being that carefree, confident, crazy girl I once was.

The older I get though, the more I realize that keeping my walls up isn’t going to do anything but hurt me more. I’m finally ready to stop pushing people away, let my guard down, and reintroduce myself to that kindergartener that pushed her brother away (so hard that he fell over might I add…again, sorry Michael!)  and confidently walked into the school gym, ready to take on the world.

It may be hard to get there, but I want to be that girl again one day.

No matter what it takes, I will be that girl again.